How To Tell The Difference Between Love & Lust

There’s nothing wrong with wanting to tear your spouse’s clothing off on a whim (it can definitely result in a hot relationship), but whether or not there’s a deeper love will determine the loyalty level. Understanding the difference between love and lust will help you better understand just how romantically involved you imagine being for the long term with your partner. And, what is more, it is going to give you a great idea of how they effect you and how to feel on your own spouse, regarding her or his weaknesses.

As a certified wellness coach I work with individuals on feeling fulfilled in their relationships, no matter what that really stands for. Sometimes, people are just after lust, or rather a romantic (frequently mainly physical) relationship which is more short lived, hot, and obsessive. Think: You can not keep your hands off each other when together. But usually there is less of a connection beyond the physical (you are kind of dating the body, rather than the person inside it). As there’s understanding and an affection that there, contrarily, a relationship is going to have a significance. Regardless of what you’re currently searching for, both could be fulfilling; just the result will differ. Here are 9 ways to tell the difference between lust and love .

more information Have Meaningful Conversation

According to Rabbi Shlomo Slatkin, a licensed clinical professional counselor and a Certified Imago Relationship Therapist, over email with Bustle, in case you’re finding a deeper level of communication, then there’s probably a love there. “When there is depth to the relationship, beyond just physical attraction, that is a good indication that there’s love. You have the ability to have meaningful conversations, discuss your dreams for your own relationship, learn about each other’s interests and family history,” Rabbi Slatkin describes.


“Should you find yourself romantically and sexually aroused by them, but don’t have any interest in the mental and other non-sexual facets of the relationship, then it probably is just lust,” says David Bennett, a certified counselor and relationship expert to Bustle.

You are Still Invested In Them Even With Bad Sex

If you’re suffering to have a sexual chemistry with your spouse, or you don’t like his or her personality in bed, but you still wish to stay together for a slew of other reasons, it is probably because you love them, says Bennett. “Love is a relationship that’s deeper than just sexual appeal, and is mental as well as intellectual, and lasts even when you may be struggling to connect sexually with your partner,” says Bennett.

“Lust is usually chemical, primal and strongly physical. It typically entails idealization and fantasy about the individual,” states Stacy Kaiser, Live Happy Editor In Large and licensed psychotherapist, to Bustle. “Love tends to be calmer and quieter. It takes more time to develop and feels much more like an emotional and mental bond than a physical or chemical one,” Kaiser adds.

You’re Obsessive

“Lust and the first stages of a relationship involve the dependence center of the mind, which is fed by the hormones that surge through you each time you visit or think about the object of the desires,” states Michelle Archard, Romance Expert to Bustle. “If you are continually looking for a ‘repair’ of your partner then you’re most likely still at the lust stage. If you’re able to go some time with no contact and are not continually thinking about them then you have moved to the love or attachment stage,” Archard explains.

You Believe Grounded Around Them

“Love is profound seated feeling. Love is layered. You take the entire package when you like somebody. You wish to get to understand them. In general, you’ll be more enthusiastic about peeling back these layers.

You’re Doing “Couple” Matters

“By the time love occurs, couples are usually moving in with them, purchasing a home, moving up the career ladder, and believing of kids. So they have much more pressure happening in their lifetime, which helps to kill (or slow down) lust,” explains Cath Hakanson, sex educator and creator of Sex Ed Rescue to Bustle.

You’re Focused On Getting What You Want

Following is an integral difference: Lust is about getting what you want (perhaps some hot sex ?) , while my sources is more concerning enduring the relationship and giving on a spouse, explains Brian Taylor, Author & dating coach, to Bustle. Think about it’s going help determine whether you are feeling love or lust and where your brain is.

You Don’t Feel Safe To Open

“If you truly feel safe to talk about your feelings on your relationship, and you feel accepted despite your flaws, it is likely love. Should you believe you either can’t or don’t want to discuss your feelings and be mentally vulnerable in your relationship, then it is probably lust,” Shirani M. Pathak, LCSW, Relationship Center of Silicon Valley, states over email with Bustle.

If you notice any of these differences popping up on your relationship, you’ll definitely get a few signals to understand the difference. When it’s aligned with what you want, that is good. Otherwise, it is time to re-evaluate.